Well let me first say that last night wasn't as bad as the night before, but it still wasn't great. But the house didn't blow and the dog is still alive so that is progress right?
When I arrived home we all went upstairs to change out clothes, well just me but of course everyone goes. While up there my daughter got very attached to having my hairbrush in one hand and the dog's shock collar remote in the other. I was fairly confident that she wasn't strong enough to push the buttons so I let her hold it. On our way back downstairs I stopped to open the front window. When I stepped over the dog's bed to open the curtain I looked down only to find my toe dangerously close to yet another brown mound... yep, another big pile of dog puke. It looked kind of white and foamy which I attributed to the diaper cream and there was no telling how long it had been sitting there. All my hopes of a good night quickly shot out the window. I calmly stepped away figuring it had probably already been there for close to 24 hours, what was another 10 minutes?
I sat my daughter in her high chair and took the shock collar remote and the hairbrush out of her hand and set them on the table. I replaced these items with a sippy cup that she started to chug. I had my back turned to her preparing her plate of food when she chucked her sippy on the floor. This is nothing new... she loves to hear her sippy hit the floor but when the sippy hits the floor and busts open it is not fun for mommy. I scolded her and told her it was not funny to throw things.. she laughed. I turned back to her plate to continue to cut up her beef tips and gravy. BAM! I spun around only to see the dog's shock collar remote now laying on the tile floor next to the sippy. Mind you these items have to take a pretty fall drop since her high chair is actually a high chair you attach to a regular chair. We have a tall table with bar stool height chairs around it, so when you throw something down on a tile floor the outcome is usually bad. This was no exception. I rushed over to the remote and tried the warning button which normally just makes the collar beep. The collar was silent. Despite my best efforts to get the collar to work, the collar did not beep nor did it shock. With one last ditch effort I put it on the charger. I know some of you are thinking... shock collar for your dog? Well let me tell you when you have a dog that steals things it is AWESOME! I just push the warning button and he drops it. Whala! Rarely do I shock him but it isn't that bad, I've tried it on myself. It is more startling than anything.
But I digress... so we have a pool of water on the floor, a busted shock collar valued around $300, and a laughing baby. I put the beef tips and gravy along with some veggies on her tray and grabbed a few rags and the Resolve. I cleaned up the puke and sprayed resolve on the old spot and the new spot to let it soak during dinner. When I came back into the kitchen she was clapping her hands together which were full of gravy causing everything within a 5 foot radius around her to be speckled with brown dots. Awesome. I fixed my plate and ate up. When we were all done I had to get a big wash cloth to basically give her a bath in her highchair and wipe down all close surfaces.
It was time for the grocery store. I gave the dog a rawhide and we made our way to the store. Things were going great until I handed her a frozen meal. She shook it, sucked on it, and held it. I took it away from her because I thought it was starting to look not so frozen. You would have thought I would have stolen her last possession on earth. She started to wail, and wail, and wail some more. Meantime I am trying to act normal and go along my way shopping. Her face was turning a shade of purple because she was crying so hard and not even a binkie would console her. I finally caved and handed her the little box of baby ibuprofen which in retrospect probably sent the message to all those people who saw her freaking out that I drug her. Regardless, the ibuprofen was perfect as she shook it so proudly the rest of the way throughout the store. We got home and unloaded the car without incident. I could tell she was getting tired though because while I was putting the groceries away she was rolling around in her blanket on the floor.
Then it was bath time. I learned my lesson and corralled all of us into the bathroom so I made sure there was no diaper rash cream buffets or possibly worse. She again turned into a bath time bear cat. I think she thinks that she is on a mattress or something in the bath because as soon as I put my hand on her to hold her she arches her back and thrusts herself backward, no concept that if there was no one there to catch her, her head would meet the unforgiving porcelain. Our wash routine was equivalent to holding onto a baby alligator while trying to wash under his tail. Ridiculous. Finally I finished washing her up and she tried to do her old standing routine. I gave her the 'we are all done if she stands up' and she stopped herself and sat down. I was pretty excited. So we played title wave and the bath tornado and she squealed with delight. She must have gotten so slap happy that she thought it was then alright to stand up since a good time was being had by all. In one quick second she was standing, I told her we were all done, pulled the plug, she quick sat down, but I took her out explaining that was the rules and bath time was over. Wow. She let loose the vocal cords. Literally the next ten minutes were horrible. She again was thrashing and screaming like the world was coming to an end when all I was trying to do was put her diaper on and then her pjs. By the time we were done I was sweating and so exhausted I had no more energy to even get upset.
I went down filled the bottle and the rest is history.
I still have high hopes that tonight will be better. Stay tuned.
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