So last night was bliss compared to my last two nights. We talked to my sister and her wife over Skype while the dog destroyed a rawhide outside. Dinner went off without a hitch and the kid ate four fish sticks and 2 apricots! That's a lot for a 11 month old. So really besides the usual bath time freak out I have nothing to write. It was a blessing! She even slept through the entire night without having to get plugged up! It was a miracle!! I went into her room this morning and the little lady was lounging in her crib with one foot propped up on the bumper sticking out of the crib and her head propped up on her teddy bear. Hilarious. But not to disappoint, since you came all the way here to read something entertaining I have a guest blogger that I freakin' laughed my butt off at. Enjoy.
Death By Bird
My husband has been out of town this week, and since I do not have a child or any pets to take care of, it has actually been quite nice. I’ve also found out that the reason our house gets messy is NOT attributed to my behaviors. The first night he was gone, I went to the store and got to take my sweet time and even picked out a few new things to try, then proceeded to Taco Bell for dinner (this is not allowed when he is home). The second night, I put in a load of laundry, ran to Goodcents, treated myself to a tan, then did errands at Von Maur, Bed Bath & Beyond, and Scheels, and I did this all within 2 hours!! A feat not attainable with the husband in tow.
My plan for the third night was to mow the lawn and also finish up the laundry. In our house, my husband vacuums and I do the mowing; I don’t like to brag, but I’ve got some mad mowing skills going on and the nicest lines on the block! Anyway, my main problem is normally the dumb swallows that like to attack when I’m obviously mowing during their feeding time. I have an enormous fear of birds that my husband finds very amusing. I have been known on numerous occasions to scream and run away from the mower towards the house like my life is in complete and utter danger. I have no idea what our neighbors must think of the crazy girl abandoning the mower in mid lawn and screaming as she books it back to the deck.
Last week, my husband told me to come out to the front lawn and look at the cute bird that created a nest with 3 eggs in the middle of our rocks (which is in the corner of our yard by the sidewalk). I didn’t think anything of this until I was mowing last week and saw the eggs again minus the bird. This week however, the bird decided she would not be abandoning her eggs, but instead attacking anyone that came within 10 feet of her. Why a bird would build a nest in rocks with no trees even close by, I have no idea.
So, I’m doing my normal mowing routine and start off going around the house and all the rock edges. Well, needless to say, I had forgotten about the bird until it tried its first attempt to take me out, which resulted in me yelling ‘holy sh*t’ and dropping the mower and running back. Now, I thought to myself that I can handle this, as the yard has got to get mowed tonight. I thought since the mower was already off, I’d pull out the ‘for sale’ signs (which are right by her nest) now and just try to go around carefully.
Well, she obviously thought I was going to take her eggs and is now puffed up like she is almighty and hissing (I didn’t know birds could hiss). I continued to push the mower as far forward as I could and pull it back quickly, when she decided to go for it. I tilted the mower so the blades were in her beak, thinking this has to make her back down, yet it did not. At this time, an older lady comes walking by and is watching intently. I turn off the mower and tell her what’s going on and that of course my husband is out of town, to which she replies ‘they’re never here when you actually need them.’ I decide I quite like her. She proceeds to call her husband and ask what to do, since ‘he grew up on a farm’… well, so did I, but that’s not helping me right now. He suggests that I throw a trashcan over the bird… to which she says, ‘but honey she is afraid of the bird’… wow, I felt special.
She comes in the garage with me and we grab a spare trashcan. She is obviously not scared of the bird and proceeds to heave the trashcan over it…. the bird went psycho!!!!! I would have definitely been screaming is she was not there because that thing put its head down and ran right towards her with all its might. I took this opportunity to start the mower quickly and try to get the remaining areas around the nest that I had not been able to yet since the bird was preoccupied trying to kill the nice old lady. It was at this time her husband drove up to help poor little me out… After I finally get the front finished, I decided I’d mow the back of the yard and put the signs up later when the bird calmed down. Unfortunately, it never did… I was down to now about a 20 foot radius to be in distance of an attack. (I’ll note while mowing the back lawn there was a black cat that jumped out of nowhere and since the screams were already loosened up, I again jumped back and left the mower. I was really hoping I could get the cat in the front yard with the bird to see how that fight would go down, but it didn't happen.)
I called my husband after I finally accomplished the mowing and getting the signs back up to tell him my tale and that I didn’t have straight lines in the front anymore :( I also mentioned to him that, ‘oh, I forgot to tell you on garbage day I noticed someone must have thrown dog poop in our trash can before I got home and put it in the garage, it is nasty’… to which I got scolded that I needed to get it out now and how things are not done right when he’s not home… well then. I quickly ended that conversation and later proceeded to cuss him out as I tipped over the trash can to make sure the poop was secured in a bag… I suppose this was what I deserved after having two phenomenal nights at home alone.
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