Being a Lady?

So lately I have had some pretty embarrassing farting experiences. Now of course my husband doesn't think that women fart or poop, even though he first hand knows I do these things. I also feel pretty confident not many men read this blog so I will divulge my personal stories of not acting like a lady, as my Dad would say. Every morning I eat my bowl of cereal while I pump since I have this hands free contraption allowing me to do a multitude of things while making food for the baby. Over the past week I bought Grape Nuts which I really like but without fail they cause me to pass some gas. But I choose to ignore this fact that surfaces day after day since I enjoy eating them so much. Which brings me to the first of my two embarrassing run ins.

I trudge up and down 4 flights of stairs everyday instead of taking the elevator to hit the lactation room. I think of it as a little bit of exercise that will maybe give my heart a little extra boost one day. I am not sure if you have ever had the 'sneaker,' the fart that creeps up on you and gives you no choice on whether it squeaks out or not, but it usually presents itself when you are walking some where leaving the little sounds of 'poof' 'poof' 'poof' with every step. (This happens to be quite a bit actually.) So I was in the midst of climbing the stairs back to my floor and I feel a sneaker coming on. Without really thinking this through I decide that heck, no one is around I am going to take control of this one. So with a little self humor I push it out a little bit in slow intervals so each toot is timed with my step on another stair. Well what I didn't realize was that after the second stair a guy entered the stairwell about a half of flight behind me. I probably let 5 or 6 go without realizing he was there so there was no way he could have not heard me. I told myself to just roll with it and he probably thought it was just my shoe. Isn't that what everyone thinks when you aren't wearing rubber shoes???

Second story...Now I sit in a cube as I think I described before. So even though my desk has half walls I automatically assume that nothing I say or do leaks from these half walls. So all farts I let go obviously stay within the confines of my space right? (Let's pause this line of thinking for a little bit of background.... Last week after work I had a work event to attend. Since my boss (actually my boss's boss's boss, so three up) and I live close to each other we had discussed car pooling to the function.) No doubt two seconds after I left this SBD (silent but deadly) bomb drop, who magically appears in my cube? You got it. It literally could not be ignored the smell was so bad. I was stuck in that situation where it is so obvious I pondered whether to just ignore it and hopefully she wouldn't comment on the smell or make light of it and come clean. I chose the first option and pretended like the dark cloud overhead was not excreted from my body. Honest to God I should have given her an Emmy. She stayed deep in my cube for like 5 whole minutes discussing the happenings of the night to come without even a minor cringe!! I was flabbergasted!!!... which made me wonder... does the smell really permeate or have I been right all along??