Workout Monster

I feel like I have been in quite a bit of a rut lately workout wise. I have free access to a gym here at work and have been trying to squeeze in a good workout over lunch, but that is getting pretty boring. It is the same classes offered week after week. In an effort to spice things up my husband and I have gone and toured some local fitness clubs near our house.
The first club we visited was brand new. It had literally opened two days prior and was already hopping. When we arrived we were escorted around the facility by one of the trainers. He kept asking us what our fitness goals were which I thought was jumping the gun a little bit. I mean sharing with this total stranger that I want to lose 10 lbs. seems a little personal when we just asked to see the place! So in response I decided to pretend like I didn’t hear him and stared around the area in blank confusion, which is what I suppose prompted him to keep repeating his question. Since we brought our daughter with us he also showed us the child care area. He made reference to the fact that kids loved it and said the Dance Dance Revolution game was one of the favorite activities. I made a smart ass remark to the tune of yeah, our one year old is really going to be busting it up on the Dance Dance Revolution and all this hack said was ‘yeah, its super fun!’ like he had no idea I was being sarcastic. Umm hello! She is 1! Anyway what I was really looking for was some early morning classes that I could do before we go to work but since they were so new their first class of the day started at 9:15am. This time frame is great for the stay at home moms, bad for the working moms. When we left and I was a little down that this option was not going to work for me and that I was going to be forced to spice up my gym life on my own.
The next day was Wednesday and in an effort to try something new I went down to the gym early and took a weights class. The instructor focused on shoulders and legs (lots, and lots of lunges and squats). By the end of the class my shoulders were screaming and I knew my legs would be sore the next day. That night I mentioned to my husband that I wanted to visit another gym about 10 minutes away from our house that was a little pricier but said to be the best gym in town according to our friends. The place was HUGE and had a ton of classes offered in the morning, throughout the day, and on the weekends. I decided to get myself a free 7-day pass to see if the logistics of the morning workouts would work or not. The kicker was that there was a special due to another gym closing in the area where they would pay for your first month if you were coming from another health club. We obviously said we were coming from our current gym, although we pay nothing for it, and qualified for the promotion. This however left me with only two mornings to run through the drill before it was the last day of the month. As I reviewed the group exercise schedule I noted that although most mornings had two classes, Thursday morning there was only one class offered and much to my dismay it was called Strictly Strength… exactly what I didn’t need when less than 24 hours before I had lifted myself to agony…. but I had no choice.
My alarm sang it’s Good Morning song at the ripe hour of 5am. I laid there for a minute questioning my reasoning for getting myself involved in something so crazy like morning workouts! I mean I was soo tired. I forced myself out of bed rationalizing that I didn’t pack all my stuff the night before and get this 7-day pass for nothing. As soon as my feet hit the carpet I could tell that something was not right. Every muscle in my body stiffened and was screaming holy terror. I sighed and took baby steps to the bathroom. After I had moved around a little bit I started to feel a little looser and loaded myself into my car.
I arrived 5 minutes before the class started and was ready to see what this gym had to offer. The instructor (who happens to be our friend’s wife) told us the basic outline of the class and I became a little worried. It consisted of 8 rounds of lunges from one side of the room to the other, 4 rounds of squats from one side of the room to the other, and 4 sets of army crawl/push-up combo…. aka pure torture. I did alright at everything besides the army crawling my arms out to a pushup, doing a pushup and then with my knees on a towel sliding my knees into my chest to engage the abs and move yourself forward. The exercise was all well and good for the first two crawls until my knees started to give off a burning sensation. I looked down and realized that the sliding on the towel was skinning my knees! I had literally lost layers and decided that if I did too many more I would be leaving a trail of blood in my wake. Since I had a few seconds to assess the situation I was one of the last ones to make it across the floor which meant everyone was staring at me. I wanted to tell them… MY KNEES ARE ABOUT TO BLEED PEOPLE! But… I sucked it up and with the group turned around to army crawl/pushup/slide knees to the other side of the room. One set into the other way back I decided that this hurt way to bad and I needed to make a modification. I put the towel underneath my feet and proceeded to do the exercise but with real pushups instead of girl pushups. This of course was a lot easier on my scrapped knees but a lot harder on every other part of me. So hard that I was dying…. my face was taking on a deep shade of purple, sweat was pouring out of my face like a water fountain and I was left to question whether I could physically make it to the other end. So instead of doing the pushup I started to cheat and just army crawl my way across the floor. But again since I had taken 15 or so seconds to reanalyze my process I was now one of the last people out on the floor and was serving as great entertainment for those over achievers that had already completed the exercise. I am sure they were looking at the out of shape girl wondering what I was doing in their class when I was basically just crawling on my stomach to make it to the other side. I must have looked like a seal just trying to find its way home. I finally made it and pealed myself off the hardwood only to realize she was shouting that we were going to do the whole set again…. Lunges, squats, and the pushup/crawl dealy. I just stared at her in utter horror but decided I had better start since I didn’t want to be the laughing stock of the gym!
The class continued to be much of the same in the way that everything we did I was wondering if I could even complete the exercise. By the time we were done I was already feeling the pain. I rushed to change and got in my car to race home. I pulled into the garage and went to get out of the car. The sharp pains my legs forced me back into my seat and I knew I was in for a long day. I got to work and tottled around like the tin man. Every time I would sit at my desk for more than 10 minutes my muscles would tighten up and I would have to start the waddle all over again. It was shear agony but I did feel pretty proud of myself that I completed the class and I guess was feeling some results? Although I am not sure if I consider failure to walk a result but at least it is a sign that I did something right?
To top it all off every Thursday night I play in a woman’s hard court volleyball league with some friends. At 7:55pm I arrived at the facility for an 8pm game. I warned my teammates that I wasn’t going to be a very fast mover and not to count on me for a lot of hustle or strength. One of the girls then informed me that we were playing the best team in the league and two of the girls on the other team could hit the ball like nobody’s business. Just then one of these girls spiked the ball in our direction. I absently stuck my arm out to defect the ball and instantly had a huge red mark where the ball had imprinted. A series of cuss words involuntarily left my mouth not just because the impact hurt like holy hell but because my arm muscles were so sore they couldn’t take that sort of colliding velocity. By 8pm my team had pretty much decided it was going to be an all out loss and it was. The first game we lost 6-25. We slapped their hands and prepared for the second game… and that is when I realized what had happened. I felt great! My muscles were not screaming and I was limber! I couldn’t believe it. Just 10 minutes prior (yes the game was that quick) I had gone from almost paralyzed to running around the court and hitting balls!! It was a miracle. With increased enthusiasm and our sixth player we played our second game and WON! It was a small miracle and we were PUMPED! We played the third game and it was as close as they come but we ended up pulling out a victory 16-14. It was freakin’ awesome. I was on cloud nine and was running around giving high fives like was in grade school. I practically skipped out to my car and made my way home.
That is when it all changed. When I went to get out of the car the overwhelming pain and soreness of my muscles took my breath away. I literally called out in utter agony… and realized the limber side of Allison was long gone. I waddled in the house and eased myself into a chair outside, well eased my way down half way and then just fell, why drag out the pain?
That night I packed my bag again since I only had one more morning, this morning, to try to see if I wasn’t so rushed to make it to an early morning class. This morning I took a class called STRIKE! (yes it ends in an exclamation point on the class schedule). This class was basically a kickboxing class where you use weights. I am not sure if it is ever a good thing when you are in such pain you have a hard time climbing the stairs to get up to a fitness class… but that was me at 5:30am this morning. I completed the class without falling on my face in pain and again quickly showered and changed before making my way home. My condition right now is bleak. Currently I can barely walk. I am scared to get up from my desk to go to the bathroom for fear of what the pain level will be and as a result I haven’t gone to the bathroom all morning! We had a meeting this morning one floor up and the people who I was walking with just automatically headed to the stairs. I basically used the handrail to pull myself up telling myself to just take one stair at a time and considered it a personal victory every new step I climbed. I think people are starting to wonder what is wrong with me. Two days now, and probably even worse today, I have looked like I am walking with a corn cob up my ass… very rigid and awkward and I am sure my face reflects the waves of agony. I am not sure whose bright idea this was to join a gym but now I am locked in. I called the sales guy this morning and said we were in! Sign us up!! Even though I am practically crawling places I feel like I have really changed up my routine and I am definitely not bored anymore. And shit, with this level of pain I figure the physical changes aren’t far behind. Let’s just hope they aren’t too far behind or I could be dead.