Southwest Seating

This is a story my friend sent me. I thought it was awesome and super hilarious too since she too seems to be one of those people in the universe that finds themselves in strange situations. Enjoy!

So, I had to fly to Houston for work this week. Of course out of Chicago, Southwest is always the cheapest airline. For those that don't know, Southwest seating is first come first serve. You don't get assigned seats. You board based on the time you checked in, so the earlier the better. I swear all the savvy passengers familiar with the Southwest routine are at their computer ready and waiting to check in exactly 24 hours in advance just to get one of the coveted "A" spots in line almost guaranteeing themselves either an aisle or window seat for their flight the next day. Apparently I'm not as routined and savvy a flyer as I thought; because when I checked in a measly 23 hrs in advance, I found out that I was already stuck with a "B" spot for the next day.

Anyways...so as you can imagine on the day of the flight as the cattle herds are boarding the plane with their respective A, B, and C ranks in life, the aisle and window seats fill up quickly and then all that's left are the middle seats. Fortunately I got lucky with my mediocre "B" and secured one of the last coveted aisle seats way in the back of the plane. It was what I like to call a "toilet seat" due to its proximity to the back lavatory...but I didn't even care because I wasn't going to have to worry about claustrophobia during this 3 hour flight. As I plopped down, I gave a slight smile to my row partner at the window and wondered which of the poor "C's" coming down the aisle was going to get stuck in the middle next to us. The flight was completely full and as the last of the herd continued to flock to the back of the plane I noticed a frantic family (keep in mind it's a lady, her husband, and their daughter who had to be in 8th grade) trying to comprehend this whole mess and figure out where to sit. It was obvious they were virgins to the Southwest protocol. Well I must be that friendly face in the crowd or the girl that looks gullible enough to be a push over, because as I'm reading the latest gossip in US Weekly, this same lady catches my attention in somewhat of a bitch tone of voice and tells me to scooch over to the middle seat so her daughter could sit on the aisle. Now I knew her husband must have grabbed a seat somewhere right behind me in the last few rows, so I figured she was trying to get her daughter as close to him as possible. I think I paused for a split second in complete shock as to what was just happening...for those veteran Southwest flyers, we know it's against the unspoken "passenger code of conduct" to ask someone on the aisle to sit in the middle, especially on a three hour flight!! Usually always the nice person, for once I decided to put my foot down...I was not going to go down easy and voluntarily subject myself to claustrophobia on a three hour flight stuck between the slightly larger lady seated at the window and little miss teeny bopper who is old enough to sit by herself. I was very polite and just said.."I'm really sorry but I don't want to sit in the middle seat". So after using my nicest inside voice you can imagine my shock when the mom totally raised her voice at me and started creating a scene...she shouts "well where is my daughter supposed to sit?!" I proceeded to tell her she could sit in the middle seat next to me and I started to move to let her in. Completely offended she yells "I'm not going to have my daughter sit in the middle seat, nobody will move over!". She kept going on and on and the stewardess was actually forced to come down the aisle and explain to this lady how Southwest seating works. By now this obviously overprotective mother, is just irate and even yells at the stewardess that had she known this, her family would have pre-boarded when they had called "families with young children". I wish I could have seen the look of disbelief on my face..I mean good lord lady your daughter is wearing the Victoria Secret sweat pants that say "Pink" across the butt...are you serious?! Finally it's just such a scene I succumbed and in a complete huff said I would move over. Completely pissed I throw myself over to the f-ing middle seat just to shut the lady up and get the show on the road. Well the stewardess could tell I was upset and after a little investigation she realized that the dad was actually sitting directly behind me in the aisle seat...quiet as a mouse! If we would've known that from the start; I could have just switched with him, but apparently that was too easy and logical for mom-zilla. So in the end, I just switched seats with the dad. I got my aisle and he got to sit next to his daughter. And I tell you all, I had great pleasure in watching the mom walk back up the plane another 10 rows and take her respective seat in the middle next to two big business men.

In the end, the stewardess completely apologized to me and offered me a free drink as consolation for the harassment I received. Of all the people sitting in the aisle seats on the plane that day, I got the wrath and Mom-zilla thinks I'm the bitch?! Needless to say, I immediately contacted one of my friends to check me in on-line for my next days flight since I was going to be out of pocket at the 24 hour mark...thankfully that secured me an "A" for the next days flight to try this all over again.