A Glimpse

A few weeks ago my husband went out of town for a weekend. This was the first time in a long time that I was to experience a glimpse of what it might be like to be a stay at home mom. It all started Saturday morning when I woke up with a start at 7:00am and wondered why she hadn't woken up yet. Should I dare enter to room to see if she was alright? It took me all of a nano second to decide against checking in on her since it just might stir the smoldering beast into all out awakeness. Instead I opted to get up and take a shower. Now on a regular day my husband is in charge of getting her up, dressing her, and feeding her while I am showering. This day however I did not have him to fall back on. With this in mind I rolled out of bed and stumbled over to the toilet. I sat there taking my morning pee with my head in my hands, elbows on knees trying to wake up myself when I heard the bear starting to whimper in the other room. Upon hearing this whimper my senses instantly sprang to life and I knew I only have a matter a minutes before she was in a full out bellar. I quickly finished up on the pot, whipped my clothes off, and jumped into the shower. I lathered everything in what seemed one big sud and what used to be a relaxing time in my morning now had turned into more of an Olympic event. I jumped out of the shower in 2 minutes flat and decided there was no reason to dry my hair let alone do my normal blow dry and straighten. Within seconds of madly rubbing my head with a towel to prevent drips of water from soaking my shirt, I heard her whimper escalate to a full out cry. I rocketed myself into a pair of jeans and threw a shirt over my head. I mentally patted myself on the back for even making an attempt at getting clean... if I had even laid in bed three more minutes there would have been no chance of ever darkening the shower door.

I went into her room and only to find her standing up in her crib looking like a prisoner in her own bed. I rescued her and embarked on changing her diaper and clothes. This mind you was no small feat and I think it would have been easier to wrestle a mountain lion than try to get this girl into clean clothes for the day.

We left her room sweaty and a little irritated, me not her.. she was happy as a clam...and went downstairs to eat. While I mixed a bottle and some food she sat in her high chair and screamed. It was only 7:15am and my nerves were shot. I mean what normal human being has to get out of bed at what I believe to be a ungodly hour on a Saturday only to throw oneself like a madman around the shower, rub one's head with a towel like it was on fire, catapult into clothes, save a screaming kid from prison, and then wrestle her in what I must admit is a tight match to get ready? And now she was screaming at me for food!! But... (breathe) I digress...

At some point that morning while we are playing I decide that I cannot wait anymore and I had to pee. The way our living room is spaced out I can see the left portion of our room while going to the bathroom. I sat her on one side of the room and made a beeline to the bathroom all the while telling her to "STAY, STAY... DON'T GO ANYWHERE HONEY, JUST STAY RIGHT THERE!" I ripped my pants down at an alarming rate and started to do my business. No sooner had I started to pee then did I see her making a direct path to the vertical blinds and what seemed like a split second she was trying to pull herself up by the blinds. I scream, "NOOOOO" but all she did was turn around and grinned. Luckily I was able to finish up without incidence since I distracted her a few seconds by screaming at the top of my lungs.

Next, I decided that I need to do a few errands so I loaded her up in the car and we made our way to Target. No sooner had we gotten out of the subdivision than did I look back in the baby mirror and saw her sleeping! Apparently she missed the "Mommy Is Super Tired too" memo because she was obviously not waiting to sleep until mommy could sleep too. Not only did she sleep in the car but she never woke up during our entire trip to Target! We got home and thankfully she was still sleeping when I pried her from her car seat and carried her upstairs. I decided to forgo laying her down in the crib since she has some ultra-sensitive sensor that goes off once I lay her down where she instinctively starts to wail. I ever so gently laid her down in our bed next to me where I grabbed about 20 minutes of shut eye before she started to squirm. Her squirming woke me up even though she wasn't fully up herself and I again had to pee.... really bad. I half leaned up on my elbow to see her status and note she was laying on her side still fast asleep. I eased my arm out from under her and froze, observed.... YES!... still, fast asleep. I decided to make a break for it.... I tip toed to the bathroom. No sooner had I sat down did I look over at the bed to see her propped up on all fours staring at me with her mouth open in an ultra-wide smile laughing with a huuhhh, huuhhh. Again I found myself screaming at her to NOT MOVE! STAY RIGHT THERE!... all the while I am pushing my pee out as fast as it will come. Unfortunately baby girl did not heed my advice and started to crawl towards the edge of the bed. She obviously thought this was the fastest way to mommy with no mind of the 3 foot drop. Turns out she was right. It was the fastest way to mommy since mommy ended up cutting her bathroom break short and had to run with her with pants around her ankles all the while screaming at the top of her lungs. Baby girl couldn't have been more pleased with mommy's speed and showed this by squealing with all out delight. I still however had to finish up what I started, so hygienic or not I hauled her back in the bathroom with me and sat her on my lap. I was taking no more chances.

Following our napping episode it was time for lunch. We again did our routine of sitting her in her high chair, her fussing for food, or drink, or something to play with while I shot myself around the kitchen preparing something for this little lady to eat. After lunch we played...and after playtime it was time for her afternoon nap. She went down like a gem, thankfully.

When I came downstairs after putting her down I looked around and noticed the house was in complete disarray.... it literally looked like we had been robbed. Dishes were heaping over in the sink, toys were everywhere, laundry (both clean and dirty) was in piles around the house, there was spit up on the carpet, hand prints on every glass surface we owned, and food was strewn about the kitchen. Now don't ask me to try to explain this part of the story because I am not sure what came over me. I literally turned into She-Ra, Princess Warrior. Before I knew it I was vacuuming at an alarming rate of speed... I was running with it around the house, dusting every surface, cleaning every bathroom, picking up toys, starting laundry, folding laundry, putting away clean dishes, washing dirty dishes, wiping all surfaces of the kitchen down, cleaning windows... if someone didn't know me better they would have thought I would have been on speed. What it all comes down to is when you have a kid (or multiple kids) the time you have to actually get things done is cut to a fraction of time you used to have and somehow you have to make it work and if it means running around the house like a mad woman, well that is what you do... hopefully none of the neighbors were looking. Low and behold no sooner had a put the vacuum away down the basement and sit down did the monitor start to crow.

I dragged myself up the stairs more exhausted than ever to save my little tear bucket from the confines of her crib. She of course was overjoyed to see her mother even though my hair looked like it had been in a wind tunnel for a few days and I reeked of cleaning products. I again WWF wrestled her into a new diaper and we made our way down the stairs to play again. About this is about the time I realized that I was feeling pretty darn hungry.... like almost sick hungry. And then it dawned on me. I had not eaten all day! Before then it hadn't even crossed my mind because well, I was a crazy woman just trying to survive the day and get some things done.

So here's the lessen of the day readers. If you have a friend who is a stay at home mom, ask her if you can lend her a hand and watch her kid for even a hour or two hours. She needs a break! Also, and I have made this mistake myself, don't ever ask a stay at home mom what she does all day. I have just told you what she does all day and it is not only an insane routine it is sooo exhausting both mentally and physically. We all know that we love and adore our kids which is why we put ourselves through this crazy gauntlet but in reality being a mom and especially a stay at home mom is the toughest job that anyone will ever do. So give your mom a hug today and thank her for not killing you. jk.,ok maybe not :)